Funny Files ~ Vol 3 ~ Mom Fails

Remember those drug commercials from the 90’s? This is your brain: que picture of a nice looking egg in the shell. This is your brain on drugs: que picture of broken egg in frying pan.

Well, now: this is your brain before kids, this is your brain after kids. There has to be some scientific evidence somewhere to support this.

The following is a compilation of all my #momfails over the last two weeks. They’ve gotten to be so out of control that they have turned the corner from upsetting to hilarious. Combine mom brain with preggo brain and you get some pretty outrageous outcomes. Here goes:

Last Monday I got a call from Elle’s school that I forgot to drop off her lunch. I didn’t just forget to drop it off, I forgot to make it. Because of this ordeal, I spent an hour and a half in the car and was 30 minutes late to work.

The next day, I balled my eyes out in my car after my doctor’s appointment for no obvious reason. I was just feeling sad. I drove my car to a remote part of the parking lot because I didn’t want anyone asking me if I was okay. Then I had to sit in the car for another 30 minutes trying super hard not to cry so that I didn’t show up to work looking scary.

I went to the gym one day this week. I forgot that I had milk in the car. I asked the lady at the smoothie counter if she would put it in the fridge for me so that I didn’t have to drive home. The gym is about 10-15 minutes from my house and I knew that if I went home, I wasn’t coming back. It’s a pretty big deal to get three kids plus myself to the gym. Then I forgot to pick the milk up on my way out. I didn’t realize it until I got home. I had to load everyone back up in the car and head back to they gym.

This same day I also forgot our diaper bag. Elle pooped about 10 minutes into my workout. I had to ask another lady to loan me a diaper and wipes. She was totally fine with it but what kind of moron forgets a diaper bag? I’ve been carrying one for 7 years now!

I forgot to send in a permission slip for Luke to participate in an “in house field trip.” Fleet had the same “field trip” a few weeks ago and went on and on about how great it was. Luke was not too happy with me. (Side note: He was upset, but  he didn’t cry. In fact, he was surprised that another little girl cried when she wasn’t able to participate. He was like, “isn’t that strange, Mommy?” He’s my idol. I wish stuff rolled off of me like this. I think he gets this from his Baba (my dad). Considering that he’s five, he really doesn’t sweat the small stuff. I think this will serve him well throughout life.)

I got confused about which day was grandparent day at Fleet’s school. In my defense, they changed it three times. I’m doing good to keep up with one date, but you change it three times and forget about it. He was so upset, he could barely control his tears when I picked him up.

I’ve had to leave work around noon twice in the last two weeks because one of my kids was sick. Thank goodness, my work situation is so great. It’s hard out there for working moms and dads.

And the icing on the cake . . . this picture. One of my kids took this and it’s horrifying on so many levels. First, I look humongous . . . it’s the angle, not my belly, I promise, I’m teeny tiny. NOT. And the stains on my shirt! I didn’t even know they were there because they are on the part of my belly that I officially can no longer see. How long had I been walking around like this?

So, I’m thinking that I might have too much going on right now?!

Anyway, I have more that I could say about this but I’m trying to keep it light and funny. So, I hope I made you laugh and I would love to  hear your #momfails! Comment below!

Here’s one quick dad fail . . . when dad tries to take a nap on the couch . . .

Oh, and I can’t forget this one: Luke pulled his shoes out of the back of the car to put on the other day. He slid his foot in and stepped on a moonpie (left over from mardi gras) and put his other foot in and stepped on some legos.