One day I will wake up in the morning at whatever time my body just naturally wakes. I will go in to the kitchen, start the coffee and turn on the Today show. I will watch for an hour or so while drinking my coffee. The house will be quiet. Luke might get up and watch with me. We will talk about our day, about events in the news, about anything on our minds. We will talk about anything we want to, for as long as we want to.
But not today.
Today I awaken to the sound of little feet walking to the bathroom. To the sound of toddlers playing and fussing in their rooms. To one little boy who has no idea how to talk in a normal voice, much less whisper and whose footsteps sound like those of a giant. I might wake to the sound of a hungry baby crying. Or to the feel of my milk filling my breast to the point of discomfort. I’m not really sure anymore what time my body would wake without these sensations, I will save that for One Day.
Today I have toddlers who want to snuggle, which really means squirm and kick and giggle in bed with me. I have a bitty baby that wants to be fed. I have laundry to fold and blocks to build.
Sometimes I dream about One Day. It sounds so glorious on the days when I am exhausted and worn totally ragged. When I haven’t showered in a couple days. When I have no idea what is going on in the world beyond my front door. When I haven’t kissed my husband for days. When my yard looks like the yard of a daycare. And my house, well, I do my best to keep it sanitary. Hummm . . . One Day.
Today I am going to look at the three most beautiful people in the world. I am going to try to rise to the awesome responsibility of teaching them to be good people. To be kind, to be smart, to be hardworking and honest and a million other things that I want for them. Its going to be beautiful and it’s going to be ugly. There will be plenty of laughs and plenty of tears, and they won’t all belong to the under 5 crowd.
Mostly, I want them to know that they are loved. Loved unconditionally, eternally and to the deepest depths of my soul. And that they are worthy of that and much more.
Luke and I were sitting by the creek in the mountains, enjoying a rare few minutes of quiet. I said to him, “You know, one day, we will be bored . . . I hope” He said, “You hope we’re bored?” I said, “Yeah, if we are bored, it means our children are grown and well adjusted and it’s just you and me again.” Life with Luke has never been boring but sometimes I wonder what we did with our time before kids.
Today is not One Day and I don’t want it to be. One Day is over rated. One Day is exactly that . . . it would be nice for one day, but not for all my days.
I’ve got to go break up fights, kiss booboos, go to the park, build legos, watch a million “see how far I can jumps,” talk to my baby girl, make countless meals and clean messes. Try to impart wisdom and compassion. Remember to talk to my husband (possibly about world events? and not using toddler language) and maybe even steal a kiss. It’s really a lot to do in a day. Good thing I like being busy.